The truth about AGING

WARNING! Do not read if you have a weak stomach or are in denial of growing old!

Having spent the evening soaking in the tub, I began to ponder what no one ever talks about, what no women prepare other women for – the unspoken but shared bond of women over 40.

There’s the obvious – WISDOM. But all the “wisdom” we’ve gained through the years doesn’t compare to the weird and wacky things that happen to our bodies! The first thing that went for me was my vision. I guess that’s pretty common – most of the ladies I know who are over 40 wear some type of reading glasses, but that’s okay, because we not only ARE wise, but we look the part.

The first mistake I made was to buy a mirror that magnified my face so I could see to put my make-up on. It’s difficult to apply mascara when wearing reading glasses. But OH – MY – GOSH I was shocked! Wrinkles, age spots, eyebrow hairs growing straight out of my face!

Gravity goes without saying, everything sags now. The wrinkles in my face I can handle – they just show that I’ve lived a full life. The wrinkles in my knees are just gross.

What no one prepared me for were the changes my body would experience. Body hair – less in some places, more in others. I can now go through the entire season of winter without shaving my legs – or arm pits. In exchange, however, I now have facial hair. Yes, I said facial hair for all you under 40’s reading this. Plucking my eyebrows started for me at 40, waxing under my nose and cheeks started at 45.

Occasionally I see a woman over 40 who has not yet purchased the magnification mirror, otherwise she would know that a mustache has sprouted above her upper lip and her cheek bones are so furry they need to be brushed. My dilemma – should I tell her?

As for me, you have my permission to tweeze me if you see the black hair that emerges overnight from the tiny mole on my face. If this is what the 40’s are like, I hope someone has the courage to prepare me for the 50’s, 60’s and 70’s.

Surely by then they will have come out with a higher magnification mirror, otherwise I’ll have to hire a personal groomer. Oh the joy..

5 thoughts on “The truth about AGING

  1. Too funny! Gave me a good laugh. Although I’m not sure I want to admit this….I have a favorite pair of tweezers. I never thought I would be plucking the hairs on my chin or worried about my upper lip.

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  2. Be glad you got to wait until your 40’s. I started at 25 with a full beard. Not a pretty sight.As beautiful as you are no one would even notice a stray black hair.

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  3. OH sweet lady, you have just made my day today.. As I pulled out the tweezers, yet again this morning, expecting the worst, I found the best.. I found my eyesight much worse today, than ever before – because I found even more gray in my eyebrows, today than I knew I had before! Time to pull out the heavy duty tweezers, and recognize the power they pull over stray hairs!! ( no pun intended of course!).. Keep writing sister, you make us all laugh !! even when you are weary, sick and in pain, you are an encouraging writer.. please don’t stop, Dene’! We can all age grace-full together!

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  4. I don’t own one of those mirrors…not planning on it! The times I have used them in the hotels, SCARY!!!! When I hit 30, I think puberty hit again…PIMPLES galore!!! (the other parts of puberty would have been greatly appreciated, no stretch marks, boobs back up where they were supposed to be in the first place, haha) There are many women I have seen that I want to BUY a mirror for!

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