Sometimes being a writer is about as pleasurable as bathing a cat.
I’m referring to my previous post about going dark. Being that vulnerable was awful but necessary. It was how I was feeing at the moment and those moments are often. Hitting the post button after writing that was liberating because I took a risk and had come to a place of confidence in myself that no matter what the response or what anyone thought, I was okay. Writing is humiliating.
I happen to believe that what I write must be the truth, which isn’t always easy. The truth is often difficult for most of us to face. It’s much easier to live in a state of modified truth, telling ourselves what we want to hear and accept. Writing is liberating.
Even writing the first line of this post wasn’t easy. I labored over it for many minutes. Saying I’m a writer is both freeing and confining. Honestly, I’ve spent my life with words – anecdotes, memoirs, stories – swimming in my head. For the most part, I’ve avoided putting them on paper, instead I’ve become a master at finding other things to keep me busy. Writing is exhausting.
It wouldn’t be as frightening for me if I was a writer of fantasy. My brain doesn’t lend itself to fictional characters, mythical creatures, or imaginary friends. I only know how to write about experiences with complete honesty. Mostly complete honesty. Writing is terrifying.
I’ve been known to embellish a bit, sometimes being told that I was exaggerating. Fortunately for me a friend came to my rescue and explained that a good storyteller must spiff up their version of a story in order to make it more enjoyable for the listener or reader. Writing is difficult.
Now I know that I must be disciplined. I have an obligation to myself to purge the chatter in my brain once and for all. I have set goals and have a need to prove to myself that I am capable. I am hoping it will be much like milking a cow. Like the milk, my words will be rich and delicious. And like the cow, I will be relieved to have expressed it all.
Writing is humbling. Writing is risky. Writing is necessary.