Ironing out the Wrinkles

Considering that in a few months I’ll be closer to 50 than I am to 45, I decided that I needed to bear some of the responsibility of growing old gracefully, share a few pointers, and reveal the TRUTH ABOUT AGING.

If you’re a young mother or a woman considering having a baby – no, your stomach will never be the same. Flat abs, forget it. My stomach looks like a road map, not to mention that if I squeeze the layers of skin and fat together, I can make my tummy appear to be birthing a baby through my belly button bottom up. Attractive.

The lean, sexy legs are replaced by puckering cellulite, or hail damage as I like to call it, and spiders. Spider veins that is. One of my nieces approached me a few years ago while I was sitting by the pool. It was a rare occasion for me to be unclothed and in swimwear. I try to spare my family the possibility of being ruined for life by exposing them to middle-age flabulosity. When she saw my legs, she remarked, “Nanee! You got tattoos!” I could almost see the wheels spinning in her 4 year old brain. Poor girl will never be the same.

And the worst thing about aging? Wrinkles. Not just your face – I actually like to see wrinkled faces because it speaks to maturity and life experiences – but wrinkles on your knees? Your elbows? Not so cute.

Tip #1 – When you step out of the shower or the tub, dry off in an upward, not downward, motion. Gravity is already doing it’s job, you have to counter it with something.

Tip #2 – There is no tip #2 because tip #1 hasn’t helped me at all.

Maybe it’s better summed up by someone else. Laugh if you can relate, laugh if you think it’ll never happen to you, just laugh. Make those wrinkles do the jiggly dance.